Coping with Your Diagnosis

Telling Your Children

Talking to your children about metastatic breast cancer (mBC) can be one of the hardest things you do. It is natural to want to protect them from fear or sadness, but children often notice when something is wrong. Without clear information, they may imagine something even scarier than the truth.

Being open with your children, using words they can understand, and having ongoing conversations can help them feel more secure and supported.

Before You Talk: Give Yourself Time

You do not have to have this conversation right away. It is okay to take time to process your diagnosis and gather your own support. Many parents feel pressured to explain everything perfectly and right away, but what matters most is speaking with honesty, love, and reassurance at the time that feels right for you.

If you are unsure on how to begin, consider speaking with a social worker, child life specialist, or therapist. Some parents find it helpful to write out what they want to say or have a trusted person present during the conversation.

How to Start the Conversation

What you share will depend on your child’s age, personality, and how your family talks about difficult topics. Here are examples you can adapt:

• “I have an illness called metastatic breast cancer. That means some cancer cells have spread to other parts of my body, like my bones, liver, lungs, or brain.”
   
• “My doctors are giving me treatment to help control it.”
   
• “This is not your fault. You didn’t cause this in any way.”
   
• “If you ever feel worried or have questions, you can always come talk to me. It’s also okay to talk to someone else you trust.”

It is okay to say, “I don’t know,” if your child asks something you are unsure about. What matters is that they feel safe, heard, and able to come to you again.

If and when the cancer progresses or your cancer is no longer responding to treatment, you may decide to talk about the possibility of death. You might say:

• “The medicine I’ve been taking isn’t working anymore. The cancer is getting worse, and my body won’t be able to work the way it should. One day, my body will stop working, and I will die.”
   
• “Even when I’m not here, I want you to know how much I love you. You will always be cared for and loved.”

It is okay to share this information gradually, based on your child’s age and emotional readiness. You do not need to have all the answers.

Every Child is Different

Children will respond in their own way. Some ask a lot of questions. Others need time. One might want details; another may need space. Try to meet them where they are emotionally and check in regularly.

Keeping up with familiar routines when you can, may offer comfort and stability. Even small things, like bedtime stories or favorite snacks, can help.

Talking to Adult Children

It can also be emotional to talk with older or adult children. They might need time to process or have specific questions. Be honest about what is happening and how they can support you, whether that is helping with tasks or simply being present.

If they want to learn more about your diagnosis or treatment, you can give them permission to speak with your healthcare team or share resources with them. Some may want to offer care or emotional support.

Finding Support for These Conversations

Ask your cancer care team about psychosocial oncology services or child life specialists. Your child’s teacher, family doctor, or school counsellor may also be helpful.

You might also explore support groups or resources created specifically for parents with cancer.

Helpful Resources

• Metastatic Cancer
  • Talking To Kids About Metastatic Breast Cancer | Rethink Breast Cancer
  • The Cancer That Wouldn’t Go Away: A story for kids by Hadassa Field
• Breast Cancer
  • Talking With Children About Breast Cancer | Breast Cancer Now
  • Talking To Kids About Cancer Video Series | Rethink Breast Cancer
  • Talking To Your Kids About Breast Cancer | Rethink Breast Cancer
  • The Kids’ Guide To Mom’s Breast Cancer | Rethink Breast Cancer
• All Cancer Types:
  • Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer | American Cancer Society
  • When A Parent Has Cancer – Educational Guide | Wellspring

The Canadian Cancer Society has a database that can be used to find local support services in your area. You can access it below:

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